Nail-biting update

One of my goals for life (it’s also a New Years’ resolution) is to quit biting my nails. Ya’ll, I have done this my WHOLE life.

I remember visiting my extended family in Michigan when I was in elementary school, and my Nana telling me that she would give me a dollar for each nail I let grow out for the next time we saw each other. I think I got her to pay me $10 three or four separate times before she caught on to the fact that I kept “re-quitting.”

I have tested the “no-bite” nail polish – the stuff that tastes terrible but is safe to ingest. I figured out how to paint my nails with the polish and then perfected the art of biting my cuticles without letting my tongue touch them so I didn’t taste the polish. At that point, I almost felt like I should reward myself with just continuing to bite my nails because of my obvious dedication to it. I mean, that is kind of impressive.

One tactic I’ve found that helps me go a couple of weeks or months without biting my nails is spending money on really good manicures. I mean, I can paint my own nails decently well, but I continue to destroy my cuticles if they are rough or uneven at all. So when a manicurist cleans them up, I don’t want to mess them up again for a little while.

Earlier in the week, I got one of the best manicures I have ever gotten (she was very meticulous about cleaning up my cuticles) and also got the “gel” polish (similar to shellac) that lasts up to two weeks and is very resistant to chipping. Check them out:

Just kidding. Those are totally not my nails. But they are CRAZY! I will never forget the conversation I had with an Asian manicurist who was discussing the various types of nails that people get. He said, “I don’t understand why lots of ladies come in here and get three-inch-long nails. How do they wipe their butts??”

That is a really good question, Mr. Manicurist. I definitely do not have the answer (does anybody know? Please don’t share it with me.).

Also, those nails remind me of the resin insect jewelry that used to be super cool:

Oh wait. It wasn’t cool. It was weird, just like those nails.

Anyways, here are my real nails:

They look freakin’ awesome (or just like regular people’s nails). My cuticles might still be a little angry for abusing them for years, but they’ll come around with a little lovin’.

I have been putting lotion on my hands a lot and trying to keep my cuticles moisturized so I’m not tempted to peel them.

Maybe if I make it to March without ruining my hands I will treat myself with something…any ideas?

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